January 2011
i stay fly
or should i say high
I want this
day 30 and 31
this being the first month it was shitty. Mom kicked me out and I am broke and I DONT know who I should spend my time with.
day 29
Just figure out my life.
day 28
I miss Candice more than anything. Today would be perfect weather for rolling a blunt and smoking it with her. She was my everything for a minute. I miss her more than anyone.
day 27
I am my biggest problem.
These men are a problem
I cant love like I want
and I cant break up with people.
I force myself into situations I am not happy with and then cringe when I try to leave
I hate myself more each day
I would say that is a problem.
day 26
day 25
someone who fascinates me would be people in general. Men they dont give a fuck about me just what I can offer. I hate how terrible I feel.
day 24
oh fuck yeah I love movies!
Day 23
I was having a hard time finding 5 guys I adore. Here they are.
Like I could only choose five. yummmy.
Day-22
I am not sure how I have changed. I suppose my major change was losing and letting go of dustin. I really dont know not much is different I give less of a fuck but that what is new. I guess I dont work at either of my old jobs and I guess that I dont care about anything really so that is that.
day 21
One of my favorite television shows is at the moment would be Modern Family or 30 rock as far as new shows go. I really enjoy watching and keeping up with shows. I have always been television junkie. I wish I could get a job that was based on enjoying the arts. I have a hard time with working regular jobs but I have always been blessed enough not to have to worry about that life. I just want to...
She looks like my mamma.
day 20
I dont really give a fuck about education. I mean I love learning but I dont need it. I feel like I could just as easily enter my feild now and fuck the latter. it is a a lot of work for nothing it seems. I guess if we dont learn we go no where but Idk.
badass
day 08-19
I am not sure when I have been most satifsfied with my life. I feel like early on before things got real complex I was very just content. I think that recently I was proud to rap and do so well that someone who raps for a living wanted me very closely in their lives. It is a really good feeling to know that.
day 09
I can only hope I can be fully happy in my future. Who knows what it will bring.
...
I am not going to be going to school this...
Simply put I am out of luck trying hard to do well in school. I mean I really busted it out last semester and now I cant even get those grades because I have to pay first. I got my finical aid fucked some how and I cant get it unless I have money but I dont have any money at all and I am wasting an hour everyday technically, but I love my kids and I love being here it is so nice. I hate how I...
I need to protect myself from the dangers of...
I am being more careless all the time.
I love you at all times.
fuck it
I hate this
how can people make me feel bad about what i am doing.
day 07- Zodiac
yeah my sign is me 100 percent I am always amazed at its accurancy.
Day 06 - 30 awesome things about me
funny
good liar
i can rap
i can sing
i can write
i can get male attention if i try hard enough
i try to be helpful
i try optimisim
i am a fucking awesome friend
i am a great worker
i have ehtics
morale
scruples
I love without fault
i cry when I feel safe
i love movies
i am good a mindless trivia
i love old hollywood
i love good music
i love men
i like women
ok other than that...
Day 05 a time where I thought about ending my life
i tell you the truth suicide is still and option for me. I really get sad and depressed and I feel like I CANT control my life. I never have had the control I want. I hate it. I hate myself. I really feel like nothing. I have some traits but they can easily be duplicated I cant have anything to myself without someone coming and getting on my terriotory. I somehow missed out on the life I was so...
at cd warehouse with John
I love his art. He aint too bad either. :)
dustin
doesnt get shit.
He hurts my feelings
but I am too macho to discuss why he hurt me
I just want to smile and be happy and it seems to be harder
then I thought. I just want it back to how It use to be.
We had the best times
He loved me
and I loved him more
I couldnt get enough of him
He was the one for me.
Now I dont even know him.
Life is hard
way too many changes.
day 04
Religion is strange but I mean we need it and we dont. I want to find my place on this earth and I feel like there is a god and a higher power. I just feel like he dont give a fuck about me.
Day-03 drugs and alcohol
+ ++++++===
Well I think it is obvious I love them both. I wish that I could smoke all day and drink all night. I hate obligation I love the looseness that having a vice gives.
supressing
the urge to make love to a woman is getting harder and harder. I really have no idea why. I dont really need to supress it. I just would like to find a lady that I can get into it with. It wont be just passion it would be the unlocking of the gates. It would be the only thing that is left for me to ravage. It would not be about love but the control the want
18 years 18 years and on my 18th birthday I wish I...
I want to smoke more?
loosely translated from the words of willow smith
Yo voy a conseguir más brillo en un poco.
I am looking for a new love, baby
I cant really imagine how it must feel to met the person you want to marry. I say that because no matter how in love i am I cant just imagine being that in love. I mean I guess once I was like that, but now I am way to sacred to entertain the idea. I really miss that secure love I had with Dustin. I wonder why he had to go and make things so complicated. I loved him and he had to make it hard.
change it up some
Me siento como un fracaso. No puedo tomar esta vida nunca más. Me odio a mí mismo con una profunda pasión. Estoy perdido sin nadie que me encuentren. Necesito ayuda.
day 02 of the thirty day thing
In ten years
I hope to be alive and in my own home with a fence and a bay window. I hope to be well versed in my field of psych or maybe a huge star. I just dont know but I am scared that I will never amount to anything and in ten years I will still be a nobody but just ten years older. :/ oh well.
here is my problem
I really hate how I feel when I see pics of people who are suppose to be my friends. I say I was suppose to be apart of that crowd friends for life, now it feels like they dont know me or even like me and as much as I say I dont care. It really hurts my feelings to see not one care enough to invite me out to hang. I guess I just didnt know it would be like this. I have waited all this time and I...
the 30 day thing- ok this should have been done...
I am single in a manner of speaking. I have a guy who I love and he loves me but due to how scared I am of relationships I dont really want to get involved with that whole hoopla. I mean I care about him deeply but I mean I dont know if I want to be in a relationship ever again. I cant stand feeling like I owe someone something or I belong to someone. I use to complain about being alone but even...
It started off
rocky the new year did, but I made it through and all in all had fun. I mean I kissed some folks and really mingled it was nice. This new year may be different after all. This is the New Year and I feel a little different. hmmm go figure.